Aloneness, do you know what it feels like? A experience Transcending aloneness

It’s 7:30 pm on a Saturday and I’m sitting alone in my tiny apartment. My girlfriend has a work meeting, I haven’t made any plans with friends, and I don’t really want to leave my home and I have no desire to go amorously wander around the city. The social media and emails are silent. There is no message or phone call to be answered. The apartment is dimly lit and I’m sitting at my counter-top with everything and nothing to do. 

Soon a small yearning to be recognized nervously rears up in my chest. It’s a little uncomfortable and I think “what can I do?” I know, I will make some tea. I run over to the stove and make the appropriate preparations for tea. Then that is over and I go back to the computer, again, that tiny but powerful feeling creeps into my heart as I begin to question, “what should I do?” I run through a variety of other activities I can do, watch internet TV — a temptation I am purposefully avoiding, read a book, do some yoga, then the tea pot boils. I excitedly jump up as my services are needed and complete the tea making process. Now, I have tea, I enjoy a few sips and soon thereafter a subtle shaking begins to creep through my ribs and into the center of my body. 

Instead of using action to distract myself, I ask “what is this?” I decide to sink a little deeper into my chair and seek to understand this phenomenon. The sensation grows and begins to grip my heart, I feel scared and I realize that what I am feeling is aloneness. It is uncomfortable and part of me wants to run away, however, there is a small courageous part of me that I have trained to be curious about this discomfort. I relax deeper and close my eyes. I begin to explore the conscious interpretation of this sensation as my brain fires “you’re alone!! Get out! Go do something! This isn’t okay!” I decide to ignore this and seek to understand my bodily experience. I feel a distant but familiar vibration in my chest and I tune in. It becomes stronger and my mind fires its occasional reptilian thought to distract the pure awareness of experience. 

I continue opening to this sensation and the vibrational strength grows. Soon I realize my whole body is gently rocking back and forth and I feel a wave of utter submission rinse over and empty the stress, tension, and fear. I notice my heart and tune into each beat. I have an overwhelming feeling that I, the body, or heart, is not at all the source of the beating. A wondrous lightness relinquishes responsibility to be and just exist. I acknowledge an ethereal force kindly molding or messaging my organs as the causer of my hearts beat. All thoughts, sensations, and feelings of aloneness vanish instantaneously. Simple joy spreads across my face and body as I recognize how blind I was just moments ago to this pervasive and profound realization of connectedness. 

Often we are too busy to recognize the momentary interconnectedness of everything. Thoughts and behavioral patterns prevent us from tapping into the ever-present home we have within each of us as we have been programmed to think we are separate. This gap in understanding and awareness is nothing more than a product of our environment and choices. If I did not seek to understand the discomfort and open to the sensation of aloneness, I would have never experienced this simple birthing into connectedness. 

Uncertainty, discomfort, suffering, difficulty, it is all just a sign of a learning or teaching that is available to our selves. Rarely does it mean we are going to die, be without food or water or basic sustenance. The amygdala, responsible for our fight or flight response in the brain, has been manipulated by schooling, the media, our culture, and ourselves to react in avoidance with suffering regardless of source. Most often this suffering has nothing to do with our survival needs and we must seek to understand the suffering, open to sensations and potential, and relinquish our needs to control. Basically, it is a simple question of whether or not you are willing to trust the universe, God, Divine Spirit, Oneness, whatever you call it, beyond your own recognition of what is. If you don’t relinquish control of your understanding of what is, you will never grow and know what is not. There are different pain points for everyone ,however the better you can become at recognizing when you are controlling and closing yourself off from a potential experience, the sooner you can let go of your suffering and open to enhanced states of awareness.

Unless you are satisfied with your current perspective and don’t want to explore expanded states of awareness and consciousness, then don’t do anything mentioned above.